Singapore: O.C.D. Paradise

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Please excuse the delay. But as it stands, I have made it to Singapore and am enjoying the hot, muggy weather as much as I did in Malaysia. For those of you who want to know what Singapore is like, I will tell you. The best metaphor I can muster at the moment is that Singapore is the Malaysian Canada...or that is, Singapore is the Malaysian equivalent of Canada. Or, if you will, Singapore is to Malaysia as Canada is to the United States.

I digress.

If any of you have been to Montreal or Toronto or any Canadian metropolitan area or, really, just Canada in general, you will have realized what I realized: it was comfortable, but unsettling--that is, it was too clean. It was as if I had entered the Twilight Zone and New York had become orderly. Canada is a cleaner U.S., and, following the analogy, Singapore is a cleaner Malaysia. Now many of you may be wondering: what is the problem with that? My answer: it has its consequences. This is how Singapore presents itself:


This is Singapore in reality from the 21st floor of an HDB (the general hive conditions of the Singaporean involve the HDB: vertical, impersonal and rather unfortunate cramped apartment complexes that are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same):



And...Lego Land:



Again, Singapore:




Lego Land:



And just for grins, Toronto:



Everything looks better at night: the stars, the moon, the hookers, and especially, especially the cities when viewed from afar across an expanse of reflective, shimmering water.

So now that we have covered the Singaporean aesthetic, we may move on to the question, "What is there to do in Singapore?" More appropriately, however, might be the question, "What is there to not do in Singapore?" Wherever one may travel in this city/country, one will see signs most often prohibiting things. No jaywalking, no rollerblading, no littering, no smoking, no cycling, etc. This is all well and good one might say. We have the same thing in the States. But you see, in the States, though we have these signs, people still jaywalk, rollerblade, litter, smoke and cycle, etc. wherever they are not supposed to, whenever they damn well please. Not so here. If you are caught littering, you are fined 300 Sin (the name of their currency ironically) which is approximately 210 USD. Littering does not only include cups, cans, bags, etc., it also includes cigarettes. What is a smoker to do in Singapore? Stomp out the butt and save it until a proper receptacle is made available.

But enough with the negative. Singapore did not always used to be like this, and remnants of the old, wild wild Sing can still be seen in places like India Town. Since Singapore is so small, the government is able to control the population the way it does. And one must give them credit for this. As much as I hate totalitarianism, Singapore does a good job of concealing it with a generally consumerist, artificial facade. What I can say most definitely is that the people are friendly and the environment feels to be probably the safest I've ever been in. This is saying something since Singapore the country is essentially Singapore the city, and a rather large one at that. This is what Singapore is: it is nice, it is comfortable, it is inviting. True, things are regulated rather closely (parking lots are monitored electronically so that when you enter one you can see how many spots are available for you), but it has its merits. I don't have to really worry about getting robbed, beaten, stabbed. For the most part, everyone is courteous and orderly. True, disorderly conduct does exist; crime does exist. But at a smaller scale, and perhaps, more importantly, the perception of crime is very comfortably low. And, it really is that clean. You could probably eat off the ground if you wanted to...which brings me to my next point.

The food is excellent here. And I'm not just talking about frog legs, cereal squid and pork ribs; I'm talking about a variety of cuisines. One may be surprised to eat a sizzling, steak fajita, chips and spicy salsa on the quay...or a perfectly caramelized creme brulee in "Holland Village." Obviously, being halfway across the world, one wouldn't expect French, nor especially, Mexican food to be of any great quality...but to my surprise, they were both highly desirable. And, since we're discussing the culinary aspects of Singapore, it is, to my knowledge, the sole producer and exporter of a very fine beer called Tiger. One can find it just about anywhere in Southeast Asia.

So what is Singapore? Obviously no one can really answer that question. Singaporean identity must be rather difficult to define. The government splits its population into roughly four ethnic categories: Malaysian (Singapore used to belong to Malaysia), Chinese, Indian and Eurasian. The Singaporean language is, quite frankly, either Chinese or English or, rather, what they call here "Singlish." In Malaysia, they call their dialect "Manglish." Singlish is similar to Manglish in that it uses similar terms such as "la" and "wa lau." But Singaporeans truly have formed a unique and nationalizing way of rendering the English language incomprehensible. Singapore is, however, a predominantly Chinese country, populated by Great Britain, and at one time subsumed by Malaysia.

One must then realize the incredible feat required in taking an island virtually no one wanted, left by colonial powers as a by-product and peopled by relatively ignorant Chinese laborers, and turning it into a legitimate global player (its currency is about 2:1 in comparison to the U.S. dollar). It is its own country, has its own military (mandatory service for all young male citizens) and has cleaned up its act to become really one of a kind anywhere in Asia: the perfect metropolitan country. It caters to the exoticism of "The East" while maintaining a completely European infrastructure. I am surprised to see on the sides of buses not just advertisements for Dior, but large banners that read "Fostering a nation of readers," with engrossed students silhouetted against the background. What country has ever made reading a national pride? And the results are indeed present. The National University of Singapore is ranked 30th in the world.

But that is just the thing. For someone going East, looking for the "real," well you'll find it here. But Singapore is becoming so sanitized that is difficult to know what exactly that is. Technically everything is "real" in a cultural sense. But since Singapore is commercializing so rapidly and those who inhabit this island were displaced to begin with, what can one legitimately say about Singaporean culture other than it's clean, it's well-ordered, strict and commercial? It is really the national capitalist's dream. Of course there is poverty, underlying cultural stresses, etc. but these are sidelined. The country doesn't show you that, of course. One cannot stage a protest of more than five people without government approval. In Singapore, one has to bid for the right to drive.

It's a mixed bag. I'll post more later.